you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
