omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
