Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
