Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
