i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
