no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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