I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
