At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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