I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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