i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
