First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
