Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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