It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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