my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
is that a dick in a sweater?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
