So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
