Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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