I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
