I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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