Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
