my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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