He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
