Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
