dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
