She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
