I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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