I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
