I forgot how hot balto sounded
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
