I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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