I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
