I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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