end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
