i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
