Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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