i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
