i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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