Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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