Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
