I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
