I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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