Got a toothbrush?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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