I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
