the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
