my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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