Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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