She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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