How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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