as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
