she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
