So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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