I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
