if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
