isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
