Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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