I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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