ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
