gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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