So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
