angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
