Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
