All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
