so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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