Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
