As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
