He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
