Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
