your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
