Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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