so that wasnt chicken after all
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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