I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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