I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
