So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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