I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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