i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
