Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
