She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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